I Beat Obesity

Since I wrote my first blog entry almost a year ago, being thin has gotten much easier. Just kidding.  People are still rude.

In case you've never been around me long enough to notice, I have a somewhat smartass-ish sense of humor ---- dry, sarcastic, whatever you want to call it.  Anyway, so I bought my new favorite shirt recently.  It says, “I BEAT OBESITY.”  Am I trying to be a smart ass?  Absolutely.  If people make fun of you long enough for something, you’re bound to be one too.  Did I actually beat obesity?  If you think I haven’t, you've obviously never seen my Michelin Man thighs I had as a baby/toddler.   It was safe to assume back then that I was well on my way to the Lane Bryant way of living.  So...of course I beat it.  Last question:  Was I just (again) trying to be a smart ass with the last part of this paragraph?  Maybe.  Onward…

So I’m wearing this I BEAT OBESITY tank yesterday at my sister’s league tennis match (yawn), right?  Right.  I knew people were going to stare, make comments, and possibly laugh.  One fellow underweight person even told me congratulations and asked me where I bought such a wonderful shirt.  BUT THEN...there was this other lady.  I don’t like this lady.  She was sitting on a bench with her friend who laughed and said, “I’ll say you beat obesity for sure.”  Then the terrible lady said, “Yeah.  More like...you look anorexic.”  No.

If really you know me, you’re probably expecting the next sentence to be the quick witted comeback I fired at her.  I wanted to say something along the lines of, “Listen, lady.  I got that shit enough in high school, and I don’t need it from some orange bitch who should think twice before she gets in the tanning bed next time” because she seriously looked like a wrinkled version of The Great Pumpkin.  But none of that happened.  I was way too shocked to do anything.  It was like one of those moments of disbelief you've probably experienced where you feel like you’re in a dream for a millisecond and your body goes numb for a tiny bit longer than that.  I honestly felt like crying for about 5 seconds...which is a big deal for me when it’s a situation not involving animal cruelty.

I know I was probably “asking for it” with that shirt, but that’s no excuse to tell me I don’t eat when you don’t even know me.  What this lady didn't seem to understand about me is that maybe I’m proud I’m not bigger.  Maybe I have a health problem that makes me super skinny and also makes my metabolism faster than that slut we all knew in high school.  Maybe that’s why I wear that shirt.  And is it okay that I’m proud I’m not bigger?  Absolutely.  People say they’re proud to be “full-figured,” and others applaud and support them.  I’m not asking for anyone’s support anymore.  I’m just asking you not to be assholes.  Thanks.